Keep Right Except To Pass
“Keep Right Except To Pass” — For some incomprehensible reason, this phrase is essentially meaningless to 99.999% to motorists in the United States. In fact, most highway congestion can be traced to inane drivers who cannot follow the simple, yet effective missive: Keep Right Except To Pass.
Drivers rather “camp out” in the left lane plugging up 15 cars behind them rather then simply move over into the right line. They are like a huge turd that stubbornly will just not flush. Thankfully, some states are starting to enforce these Left Lane Campers, but it’s just not enough.
Keep Right Except To Pass
So why won’t drivers adhere to the Keep Right Except To Pass directive? Because in their lame, I-Have-No-Control-Or-Power-Over-My-Life world, this is simply the only way they can stick it to others without a serious fine, increased insurance rates or jail time. These jackasses are very easy to spot. As you pass them on the right, craning your next to see inside their Honda Accord, they all have this smug, half-baked smile that simply says: “I’m driving 30 miles under the speed limit in the left lane and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it.” While I’m able to maintain my cool, there are many who suddenly “blow an O-Ring” and become enraged.
It Used To Be Better
It actually used to be better when I started driving 35 years ago. The left lane nappers would begrudgingly move over when flashed with high-beams from cars who were not content to be bottled up behind them. Now? Forgeddaboutit. In our passive-aggressive / deplorables vs. elitist world, left lane snoozers now simply refuse to pull over.
Slow Driving Accounts For 10% Of All Accidents
But don’t take my word for it. There have been numerous studies conducted that prove over and over that driving slowly not only is selfish and inefficient, but also dangerous. According to the California Polytechnic State University, not using the left lane for passing accounts for close to 10% of all accidents in the Golden State. Drilling down further, the studies spotlight that the most frequent cause of highway accidents, isn’t speeding, but idiots driving too slow. In fact, driving just 5 miles per hour slower than the average traffic speed can be the biggest cause of fender-benders, or worse, and is the result of most traffic jams.
Passive / Aggressive
One of my biggest sources of anguish on the road is when I’m traveling in the left lane in heavy traffic. As I’m maintaining a safe, but consistent distance to the car in front me, some idiot decides to cut in front of me, and promptly slam on the brakes. Worse, they then travel slower than the other lanes of traffic bottling up the left lane. You try to maintain your composure and when the right lane opens up you go for the pass. But you know what happens next, right? As soon as you enter the right lane to go around them, they speed up.
A New Approach
The Thumbs Down
At first, I was happy to showcase my displeasure by giving these assbags the finger. But I realized that “getting the finger” is something they’re probably so used to receiving during the course of their daily lives that it is essentially meaningless. So I now give them the thumbs down. It’s more, “you’re a loser” than “Eff YOU!” My hope is that if forces some kind of inner reflection.
“He’s giving me the thumbs down, is it because I’m wearing an adult diaper? No, he doesn’t know that. Wait! It’s because I don’t Keep Right Except To Pass. That’s it…I’m changing my ways starting right this instant!!”
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